The defeat of losing you became the day I won. I am no longer strangled by your drama. No longer swallowing your venom disguise as sweet nectar of love. Now that I wrote you out of my life and took new direction on the show called Tamyara's life. I am no longer twisted and starved for love. I look within and took a vow to never succumb to being the phantom of some ones opera. So peace has become still. I can hear and feel love stirring all over me. Then without a tear falling or sadness in my soul. I yelled, " I am Free
Looking in shock at the truth because for a moment I was living in a lie
I sat waiting and desiring you to see all that I had in me I was worth your time
Nothing prepare me for all those years we spent and moments we share
I'll admit life has not always been fair
Yet, at the still of the night and through the rumbles of the storm I was there
I was there when no one else heard your cry
I was there rooting you on to at least give it a try
I look at what I saw in you then and what I see now
The difference was love was my blinders and now that it is removed I can see you for who you are
Now this is not an intent to hate you , in fact I love you for the gifts of life by flowering the seeds to come alive and love
For the lessons of love , lessons of heartbreak and giving me room to see love at it's best and at it worst
Now before you start saying share your part
I have not always been the best to love by far
I have not always been easy to live with or to love
Yet, at the still of the night and through the rumbles of the storm I was there
I was there when no one else heard you cry
I was rooting you on to at least give it a try
You and I try to keep the dream of you and alive
We where living in a lie
No shame in my game for wanting what I thought was for me
No shame in your game in assuming we would last
In the end we have lived and learn
Loved and laugh.
© 2012 Tamyara Brown- Tamluvstowrite
A reason to live-A soldiers story
“They didn’t agree on much. In fact, they didn’t agree on anything. They fought all the time and challenged each other ever day. But despite their differences, they had one important thing in common. They were crazy about each other.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook
He heard the shots ring in the air, the helicopters in the air, the sight of body parts flying and he tried to out run the bullet. The bombs crashing down but the moment he got hit he fell to the ground, pain rip through him, and he knew he had been shot. Trevor felt warm blood gush from his arm, his leg and his face for a moment it frighten him that he may not ever see his wife or meet his unborn child. He had never been a man of many words; in fact whatever he felt he kept inside it was the Scorpio side of him. He laid in the pool of blood mixed with mud his wife flashed before his face, the day they exchange vows in front of God and he she was the person he most adore and admired. Her round belly was now holding his unborn son, he remembered the night he was conceived because the moon was full, every star was out, and how beautiful she looked. Trevor thought back to the many nights he held on to his I love you's, how he never really told her how he felt for her. He thought of how he missed her so much that at night he ached.
Talayshia was his wife; his best friend and confidant but he left her unaware of how he really felt for her. Yet, he knew he didn't always express that Iraq taught him a few valuable lessons and that was to appreciate what you have, to treasure it and most of all never take it for granted for you may lose it. As things began to go black, he asks God for one request and one request only. " Please give me one more chance to tell my wife how I feel.”
He lay in the hospital bed his body sore and achy. As he open his eyes and he saw a bright light shining in his face. He heard voices and saw a white coat hovering over him. He was alive and sighs of relief he released. He opens his mouth and asked, "Where am I?"
The doctor answered, " You're in the hospital." He adjusted to the light and said,
"Where?" he asked as tried to sit up but the pain force him to lay back down.
The wounds that where covered and sewn up where not hurting due to the heavy dose of morphine. He still felt groggy, dizzy and his mouth was dry. He heard the voice of the doctor announce,
"Your home son in the states. Your wife and family are all out there that they’ve been here ever since you gotten home. You've been in a coma for the past seven days."
He wanted to see his wife because he had no clue how long he would survive. He needed to kiss her, talk to her, and tell Talayshia everything that had remained in his heart for so long. All of the things he neglected to tell her years and months before being shot. Trevor felt this sense of urgency to just hold her and feel the warmth of her body next to his. He pushed the call button and the nurse voice answered,
“Can I help you? The nurse sang.
“ Is my wife still out in the waiting room?”
“Yes she is, " she replied.
“ Can I see her, please?” He pleaded
Trevor sat up and anticipated seeing her because he missed her so much. She walked in the room and her face was glowing, her chubby cheeks, her round belly carrying apart of him, his unborn son. Talayshia walked over to him and kissed him. He was still weak but found the strength to hug her. Her eyes where watery, she had always been an emotional person the very opposite of him. She never feared showing her feelings. Trevor always thought showing your feelings was a sign of weakness and being a man who was always in the middle of combat held whatever he felt inside of him.
“ Come lay next to me, please?” He lifted the covers and she slid next to him. He looks at her as if it was the first time he had seen her in his life and he touched her hair, he allows his hands to trace her eyes, her nose, and her lips. My God he thought she was still beautiful, her scent of lilac flower perfume and her skin so soft.
Her voice soft and sweet whispered, “I love you. I am so happy you are going to be okay.” She put her head on his shoulder and intertwined her fingers with his and kisses each one of his scared fingers. It was the very reason he loved her because no one would believe that day before he got shot they’d just had an argument. That he misdirected his anger and hung up on her. He watched as his unborn child moved around in her belly, he placed his hand there and for the first time he felt his son kick
He had never been a man to cry or show raw emotion but this intimate moment brought them down his face. He cried tears of joy and gratitude because God could have easily denied his request and let him die. He shared many years with her and he took her for granted. He kissed her passionately and he realized this was the woman he wanted to grow old with that he could easily fall in love with over and over again. He would never again neglect her and hurt her out of anger. It was easy for Trevor to love her that way because she had done it so naturally for years with all his flaws and faults.
She kissed his tears away and whispered, “It’s okay I will always be here for you. No matter what because I have loved you since I was sixteen years old.”
He looked her in the eyes and for the first time he had butterflies in his stomach and when he began to speak the words flow naturally.
“Talayshia, I want to thank you for tolerating me and staying when you could have easily left me. I know I am a difficult man to love but yet you hung in there. I love you and I appreciate you for accepting my marriage proposal and after I show my ass. You still stood at the altar and said yes. Thank you for carrying our firstborn son, I am not a man of many words but today and for the rest of my life I will never neglect to tell you how beautiful and how I much I have missed you. I am proud to have you as my wife. Each time I left for a tour you have no clue how hard it was to leave you, to say see you later but the fear sitting in the pit of my stomach that I may never see you again. So I hid it because I needed to be prepared for war.
Now I realize that after being hurt I could of lost that moment and I don’t ever want to chance that again in life. I asked God to please give me a chance to say all the things I hid from you” Talayshia hugged him and this time he kissed away her tears. He looked up and whispered, "Thank you God for this moment."
© 2011 Tamyara Brown- Tamluvstowrite